Wolsamnoraa's Blog

The reason for the lake is to have a place you can drown yourself after you lose all of your money

I went to Lake Tahoe a few months ago for my buddy, Goldie’s, bachelor party.  In addition to the sick ski resort and water sport activities that can be had at Tahoe, there is also legalized gaming.  I’m not talking Monopoly or Galloping Pigs.  I’m talking about the provocative, self degrading gambling games like keno and craps.  These are the kind of games that you either win some or lose big.  Of course, when I lose, which is always, I get pissed.  “What a waste of money?!” I’ll say.  Every time one of my friends tell me that they’re up for the trip or that they’re breaking even, I tense up.  I’m pretty sure that winning or at least keeping money in a casino is impossible.  Apparently, they’ve all read Mensa’s Guide To Gambling and had great success; something I’m still getting around to.  Anyway, I ended up with my last $100 to piss away in one of six classy casinos and I sat down at a Black Jack table next to my other friend, Teddy. With a $10 minimum on the table, I knew that this would either make or break me.  The dealer was a middle-aged woman and my perception of her was that she seemed friendly enough, that is, until she started taking my money.  Now, usually, I can hang at the Black Jack table (it starts off well, I build a bank roll, then the money fades away, and I leave knowing I played a good long game).  Not this time.  The game gods were not on my side that night.  I feel that if you approach a situation with a good attitude and good things to say, you will enjoy the process and even come out happy at the end.  This was not the case.  Like I said, I was pissed; down to my last hundo.  Within a matter of minutes of sitting down, I played through 9 hands without a single push or win.  $90 just like that.  After some casual banter with the dealer about how poorly the game was going for me, I looked her in the face and with the most sincere disposition told her, “It’s not that I wish you were dead, it’s just that I wish your parents would have died before you were born.”  You take $90, I steal your soul.  The most Jewish act of my life.  She asked me to leave the table.  I wandered around some and played my last ten spot all the while contemplating what had come over me.  Who knows?  Frustration, maybe.  Whatever it was I’m pretty sure I dished out the world’s greatest insult.