Wolsamnoraa's Blog

Sage men open wide

Sometimes you see something that you’re not expecting and realize how unprepared you are for the unpredictable.  I was flashed by a set of old, wrinkly knockers on the interstate once and I almost ran off the road.  I feel that if the incident had taken place in a bar or a bedroom, I would have been less shocked.  The fact that it was outdoors really threw me for a loop.  More recently, I fell victim to another similar event and found myself mystified at my inability to react appropriately.

I went to the supermarket just a day ago and followed an older man in.  He was short and thin.  His hair was grey.  His broken and bent posture gave me the impression that he had been working his entire life.  As I followed him into the store, my gaze veered downward to see my next step.  As I began to look down, I noticed his brightly colored teal and red plaid shirt under a set of grey suspenders.  The suspenders were supporting his tarnished blue jeans.  My eyes lowered just past his shirt tail and stopped.  At his lower waist line, where a normal person’s shirt might have been tucked into his pants, I saw that this man’s bare ass was completely exposed.  It was as if his suspenders had grown as weak and weary as he had and had completely given up.  His shirt tail ended just below the top half of his butt and his pants hung just below his cheeks.  If he had bent over for some unknown reason I would have been subject to the gory sight of old man balls (sorry Grandma, I don’t know how you do it).

In an attempt to capture this moment in time for all eternity, I reached for my cell phone.  The man grabbed a shopping cart from the corral and I quickly followed.  As he began his shopping trip I trailed him closely all the while fumbling with my smart phone to activate the camera application.  By the time I was able to pull off a good shot from four feet away, the man had realized the breeze between his knees and had begun to correct his situation.  It must have been an interesting scene; me arms extended holding the camera following an old man who’s ass was clearly exposed.  Not the day I was expecting, yet still I was disappointed.  I didn’t get a shot on the camera.  I was only able to capture a mental image of an old, wrinkly, surprisingly hairless and tan, liver-spotted ass that will live with me for all time.  I left the old man and finished my shopping trip.  I gained some valuable knowledge that day: always be ready for the unexpected because that’s all there is.