One Of My Favorite Quotes

You may wonder, how? The real question is how not?

“A man needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle” is one of the best analogies I have ever heard.  Not only is this statement completely incomprehensible but it’s also misinformed.  I will explain why, for that very reason, this sentence is fantastic!  First of all, fish don’t need bikes, they’ve got their own means of conveyance.  It’s called current.  Also, fish need water to live.  Have you ever gotten your bike wet?  Good luck getting upstream with a rusty chain.  Attention all wannabe bipedal fish: If a rust bucket paperweight is your dream, you might as well absorb all the mercury you can and turn belly up.  Pathetic. 

Conversely, it is a true fact that every man needs a woman.  Guys are pigs.  They’re gross.  They eat gruel and fart and stir up trouble.  Women are clean and well-mannered.  Women are the world’s great equalizers.  When dudes are rowdy, chicks calm them down.  When the fellas are just kicking it and chillin, the ladies come into the room screaming.  If it were up to men, nothing would get done.  Lawns would go unmowed; gifts would go unwrapped, TVs would be watched.  If it were up to women, well, I don’t want to think about that.

To be perfectly honest, the only reason I’m writing this is because a woman is standing behind me with her finger on the trigger of a very sawed off shotgun.  Women take life seriously.  They’ve got things to do and people to do and guns to point.  And that’s ok with me.  If I didn’t have a strong motivational woman behind telling me to get up and get going, I probably wouldn’t.  What kind of life would that be?  That would be like a fish with a bicycle and that’s no good for everybody.  Regardless of what the statement says, I still like it.