Excalibur

Where losers pay to stay

There are few places in Las Vegas more worthy of a stay than at the Excalibur Hotel and Casino.  In the past six years of my life I have spent many Red Bull/Vodka induced sleepless nights on the premises rolling hot dice and spraying myself for bed bugs.  Games you will be sure not to lose.

I highly recommend partaking in the Australian-inspired all male review, Thunder from Down Under.  Nothing is surer to get the joey out of your pouch like a ninety minute strip tease of strapping young blokes.

Excalibur’s fine entertainment reaches far beyond the twenty man-thongs in the dungeon.  There are a host of actors to serve thine patrons the frostiest of brewed beverages and cash in thine earnings.  “Would thy dainty wench careth for thine frostiest Corona?  Please chance thine lucky hand at a gameth of Black Jack, my liege.”

In addition to the wild casino action, you may test your luck at the myriad of arcades just below the casino floor.  My favorite is the ATM game; it pays out almost every time.

Don’t press your luck too much and be sure to line your ice bucket with plastic.  Many a craps have been played there.  So good luck to you and yours.  And remember: What happens at Excalibur, costs $400 to abort.