Wolsamnoraa's Blog

Trust me. It takes a lot less condoms than this to make a baby.

JDubs dropped a heavy simile on me the other day. She said, “A life of work is like going to school.”  She explained that when you’re first starting off, it’s like kindergarten and you learn and grow.  As time moves on, you advance and you mature and you grow hair in places that you didn’t know you could. She said that one day, each person becomes the Dean of Students in the college of his specific field.

I’m trying to apply her example to my life.  I am currently employed behind the scenes of an abortion mill.  I work in a warehouse where, among other things, I ensure that death centers are well stocked with coat hangers, lubricant and trash bags.  Additionally, there is such a huge collection of condoms that I can take a swim through like Scrooge McDuck used to in his coin vault (Either that or I’ll try them all on).  It’s not as fun as you’d think as I do this ad nauseum and I am very unsatisfied (murdering fetuses is great and all, but…it’s kind of boring).

When I reflect back on JDubs statement, I get a sense that “Work is like school” does not apply to the folks that aren’t in the right school.  I feel that I’m not even enrolled.  I’m like a twelve-year-old in preschool masturbating not-so-covertly in my greenish overalls while everyone else is awkwardly moving away.  In this strange land, I look like one of those ADHD kids that can’t be trusted to roam freely. I’m tied to a tree with a leash and harness that closely resemble a monkeys tail (kind of like this…Philip from SNL).   Not only am I not a growin’ and a learnin’, I’m actually getting dumber and less anxious to go to class. What’s worse is that I tied myself to the tree and only I have the ability to escape.  But I won’t.  My spirit has been diminished.  You might as well ask a Senior to buy me a carton of smokes and leave me to die; unfulfilled, miserable, and retarded.

I have learned from this example that I alone hold the key.  I can register in any school that I want.  I am well qualified to start at the bottom anywhere.  Even idiots get to succeed at work (just look at my boss Mrs. Stransard).   So I know what I am going to do.  I am going to break free.  I’m ambitious and I know more about what I want to do than ever before.  Look out School of Tap Dance For the Blind, Deaf, & Dumb; Here I Come!  I’d better bring some of those condoms;)