This takes the phrase "baby dumps" to a whole new level.

Sometimes you wake up in a dingy hotel room soaked in hooker juices and vomit and you wonder, “How in the world did I get here?”  While this is a valid question, the word “here” reaches above and beyond your current predicament.  The mere fact that you exist at all is interesting in itself.  These 10 reasons explain the lucky fortunes that befell you on your road to being “here” (where ever that may be):

10. Your father was spreading his seed during the War.

9. Your mother was a whore.

8.  The gentleman operating the coat-hanger apparatus botched the abortion.

7. You chewed threw the garbage bag that was to be your casket and survived on the contents of a China man’s dumpster.

6. Until your mid-teens, you were raised by a small team of success driven rats.

5. You earned a decent wage soliciting sex from bar hopping youngsters who struck out during regular bar business hours.

4. Using the lessons taught to you by your rat kin, you turned your hard earned money into drugs and nesting materials.

3. On a quest to stardom and fame, you sought a career as a Hollywood actor (possibly to find your real parents?).

2.  Unknowingly, you were cast in the movie “Saw VIII: Jigsaw’s Outtakes–Sluts, Gays, and Krab Cakes”.

-And, Finally-

1. Years of smoking methamphetamine have left you toothless, talentless, and desperate.   The mob takes care of you in the only way the mob can; this time, however, you are unable to gnaw your way through the garbage bag that is to be your final resting place.

Do you feel that I may have missed a detail in your coming to be?  Please feel free to share in the comment section…