Ah, sh*t, son! I moved the g*ddamn blog! We’re taking this hog up a notch. I’m gonna kick start your face with a boot full of fun. It’s not the kind of fun you get when you walk in on your parents making your brother. It’s the kind of fun you have when your parents walk in on you wasting your seed at the family computer. I’m talking masturbation. We all do it! So effin’ what?! This is the fun you get when your horse wins the big race and gets shot after breaking an arm. (Horse arm? Hell yeah!) If you are what you eat then your dog is a champion. Fun!!! This is gonna be the kind of fun you have when you cash a check or pop a gnarly zit. Did you hear that pop? That’s the kind of excitement you’ll have here. Take this thing called fun and cherish it. It’s not for everyone because it’s just for you. So come inside, but wear a condom and let’s get this thing started…again.
The Ol’ Boy called me today from his work van and said he was watching a guy trim his ear hair with a pair of scissors in his car. The Ol’ Boy said the guy wasn’t being very safe…he was clearing his fairy land hair forest, causing devastation to all the little hair nymphs and earwoks.
Ted P.’s parents thought their computer would catch a virus so they covered it with plastic.
My wife asked me why I spend so much time jerking off alone at the computer. She said that it would be sensual to masturbate with her and I said, “Every time I do that, you wake up screaming.”
I was at the store and I saw a guy happily buying his son some candy. Confused by the gesture, the kid looked at his mom and asked, “Mommy, what’s wrong with Daddy?” To which the mother replied, “Oh, he’s just sober.”
I put the trash out last night when I saw my rather large neighbor pull up to her house with take out food in her hands. ”Take out again?” I asked. And she replied, “Rrrrraaaaawwwwrrrr!!!!” Stupid fat bitch.
Do you refer to conjoined twins as one of those or two of that?
Oh, man. I got nothin’…
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