I can't believe he unate the whole thing.

We’re all so proud of our offspring when they accomplish something monumental. For some, it’s graduating from college or narrowly escaping an arrest for public indecentcy. For me, however, monumental is measured in bodily discharges and today I am brimming over my cat’s vomitty achievement.

I admit that some of my most shining moments come at the bombastic release of gas from my body. I’m even more proud when the gas turns solid in a process called sh*tting my pants. The sight of a giant, ghastly poop will cheer me up any day of the week.

But when I look down and see with thine own two eye parts what my cat, Tookie, has done today, I shed a tear of pride. Today Tookie puked a heaping helping of cat guts and it was huge. It was chocked full of Friskies, dead mice bones and his favorite treats, Whisker Lickens. This kid has talent and I’m proud to say he’s mine. Good work, cat.