10 Reasons The Clitoris Is So Elusive

There's no getting around 'it' because you don't know where 'it' is

I don’t know about you, but one of the most stimulating parts of intercourse is satisfying your partner. If you’re like me or any member of an all-girl softball team, then most of your sex is going to be with a woman. There is no greater reciprocation of mutual respect than offering a resounding “OH YES!!” to your woman/women.

From my experiences as a medical doctor and sexual predator, I can tell you that the orgasm you give to your lady comes from stimulation of her clitoris: a mysterious nub button within the confines of a human’s labia majora.  However, even though I know it’s there, and she knows it’s there, and the camera man knows it there, the clitoris evades me sometimes.

A buddy of mine told me once about “eating out” with a friend one evening.  What he thought was a nice serving turned into an audible “sigh” of discomfort from his lady friend.   Apparently, the clam cake appetizer didn’t come to the table at all.   That one sigh set the pace for the entire course. He said that he had his dessert alone in a corner with chocolate sauce for lube and a bus boy’s apron for clean up.

My friend’s (and his lady’s) misfortunes led me to ask the question: At the most crucial times, why is the clitoris so elusive? Here are 10 reasons I came up with to explain…

10. It was circumcised in an act of religious persecution (so sad )

9. Her mother is a turtle and it’s hiding

8. She’s in labor and you’re spreading her baby’s cleft lip

7. Her father is a groundhog and fears its own shadow (thanks, Sean)

6. The man in the little boat finally set sail

5. She’s a man with big hairy man parts

4. You’re poking around in the wrong hole

3. She’s wearing parachute pants

2. She’s an amputee from the neck down

-and, finally-

1. You can lick around until your tongue turns raw, but you have no idea what you’re looking for