Bless This Sex

"Let's take this thing a step farther," Evolution said to the monkeys.

There’s no doubt about it…I know sex.  I’m expert in hot, naked relations with other humans.  My expertise comes from years of field research and years of hocking sexy (used) wares and information around town to prepubescent teens.

Before that, I voluntarily trained in the mystic arts of “sex safety practices and proper penile insertion techniques.”  It was for college credit.

Today, I’m here to tell you that power of great sex can be yours by simply following and practicing a few guidelines.  Soon, you will be showcasing your sexual prowess like a boner in sweatpants.

The first step to having the best sexual experiences of your life is honesty with yourself.  Learning what your mildly crazy and dangerous side wants out of sex is half the battle.  The other half is listening to that craziness.  And the third half is accepting it’s okay to want and have those things.  You want missionary, that’s great.  You want fisting, fantastic.  You want anal with a pocket knife, have fun.

The second step is starting and maintaining great communication with other people.  Got it?  Great…next point.

The third step, and this is important, is trust.  Trust starts by building a strong foundation on reciprocating information through active listening will open the door to the best sexy (or bexy) encounters of your life.  No foundation means no trust.  For example, if you don’t listen to me, I can’t trust that you know that the safe word is “polyester pajama hat.”  All of a sudden you’re looking at 15-20 years for rape.

So, there you have it.  Find out what you want.  Tell someone that you can trust.  Get crazy.  It’s that easy.  If you’re having trouble figuring out what you want, see the list of activities below.

Rate how willing you are to try each one (Afterwards, have your partner(s)/sheep(s) fill one out too and compare.  Just discus the activities that match up and get crazy.).

Directions:

Rate these sexual activities in order of your willingness to do them and then share with your partner.  Use these four rankings:

“I will absolutely do that”, “I would try that”, “I would never do that…with you”, “I would never do that”.

Conversation at a Table                         Conversation in the Nude

Role Play                                                      Naked Spooning

Erotic Massage                                          Mouth Kissing

Kissing the Body                                       Using Toys

Touching Genitals                                    Using Food

Blowing Genitals with Open Mouth and Hand (Cunnilingus/Fellatio/Hand Jobbing)

Fisting                                                           Missionary Position

Doggy Style Position                               Cowgirl/Reverse Cowgirl Position

T-Square                                                      Pile Driver

Rusty Bike Pump                                      Anal Insertion/Licking (Anilingous)

Stimulation Using Props                       Introducing Another Person

Introducing Yet Another Person/Group of Persons

Trapeze                                                        Bondage

Filming a Sexual Session                      Selling  that Tape for Profit

Introducing Animals/Midgets          Introducing a Street Performer/Busker

Prostitution                                               Physical Manipulation/Abuse

Using a Condom                                       Marriage