About three months ago, I decided that quitting my sh*tty job would be a good idea. Even though the action temporarily halted my night terrors and self-mutilation, it has led to a host of other problems. I have since been diagnosed and treated for depression and a disease simply known as the gay. These ailments have caused me a host of other problems that I could not have predicted. Tension is mounting between my wife and me as I sit at home all day. Despite my reluctance, there seems to be only one solution; I should get to f*cking work. Here, then, are 10 reasons that I should get a job:
10. A job provides an opportunity to have money, to give back to society, have a bigger purpose in life, meet new people and be mad at something other than my wife and the house cat
"I've been workforce ready since my conception"
9. There are no more dishes to clean and the floors are as swept as they’ll ever be
8. The fern I planted to provide me with a sense of fruitfulness and hope has died
7. Water cooler talk about Seinfeld reruns is turning me into a schizophrenic
6. I’ve been taking public buses just to see where their routes end
5. Investing money in my home business of cashing in on the Internet has amounted to numerous porn site subscriptions and dozens of pills that combat erectile dysfunction
4. My home office consists of a barcalounger, a box of colored pencils and a guitar I plan on learning
3. Anticipation of checking the mail keeps me up all night
2. Getting drinks “after work” starts at nine in the morning
-and, finally-
1. I spend more money than my wife makes
I Want to Buy an Electric Car
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You consistently pick the greatest pictures. Stay strong and maintain hope. We’re going to have to discuss your situation with @garyvee next week.
#8 in your list made me giggle heartily aloud.
I anticipate a meeting with @garyvee. I also anticipate a day when all the ficus in the world will grow freely without the bounds of a pot. BTW, this was the 100th comment made on my site…very exciting.
Hey dude, listen you are writing more than ever and that my friend is a giant accomplishment! Quit being so down on yourself. You’re trying! And in my book that counts.
Also, halogoggles is right, you do pick the best pictures.
That means a great deal to me. Instead of trying, however, from here on out, I’m going to be doing. You can’t try to jump out of an airplane; you either do it or you don’t.
I’m glad that you like the picture…I’m pretty sure it’s the only reason I’m still in business.