Dream Analysis

I’ve been having these really weird dreams.  They’re vivid and sometimes they’re kind of freaky.

Last night I had one where I was walking around in my condo and stepped on some nails.  The nails popped right out of the top of my foot and I was bleeding all over the carpet and then the carpet turned into a sea of nipples.  Another dream I’ve had was one where I’m in line at a Taco Bell drive-thru and someone asks if I want hot sauce.

These dreams seem so real.  But because I half a logical brain, I’m able to deduce that they’re not real.  For instance, I know the Taco Bell excursion was a dream because I couldn’t find a receipt for tacos, nor were there any left over hot sauce packets or napkins.  Additionally, my bowels seemed to be intact and in normal working order the next three days which is evidence that I never ate any damn tacos.

Anyway, I was curious as to what these dreams all mean so I kept a journal of them and looked up the meanings.  Discovering each translation was like opening a bitter fortune cookie.  Here is a short list of dreams I can remember having over the last week:

Blue tea kettle in an open microwave – Something mysterious will happen to my testicles
My older brother – I stand to lose my hair
Jared Hood’s (childhood friend) old kitchen – Success followed by failure

Dreaming of Taco Bell can only mean one thing; Gay

Hamster/gerbil – Abundance/scarcity

Gift from my older brother – A sign of heartbreaking love
A golfer – Traveling a great distance by goat
My car – Putting a lot of money into a “sinking ship”
Open car windows – Making a new friend who steals from me
Desert – Sexy new beginnings with cacti

Mattresses – Support from gloved ones
Parking lot – Finding meaning in life
The YMCA – I’m gay?
Kindness of stranger named Angie who goes by Anne – Penetration by sword or writing tool
A baby – Impending doom
My cat, Tookie – Terrible, hurtful things

Traveling by car – Diabetes
My mother – Birth of a relative
A piercing through my inner ear – Successful homicide

Bear Creek High School (the name and the physical site) – I will go horseback riding soon
Toilets outside – A plentiful garden
Pooping – Transitioning from one part of my life to another
Wiping but not being able to clean it – Lying to the people I love
Best friend asking me to hurry or he’ll leave – Afraid of success
Throwing soiled toilet paper at my friend – An exchange of gifts

So  what does it all mean?  Good question.  Using some very valid/nonsensical online resources, I can tell it’s all very good/bad.  Apparently, I either stand to inherit a good bit of wealth or I’m doomed to roam the world sad and dead.  It’s really all up to interpretation.