Wolsamnoraa's Blog

If you’ve ever heard me utter a phrase like “You lookin’ at me?”,  ”Oh, yeah?”(fist pumping),  ”You wanna figh’ ’bout it?” or “I love you”, then you’ve probably suspected me of being drunk.  Truth be told, I don’t drink all that much; evenings and weekends mostly (mostly insinuating quantity of booze consumed measured in quarts as opposed to frequency measured in occurrences).  Let’s just say, if there’s a time during the week that your cell phone company isn’t charging for minutes, I’m probably tying one on.  Okay, I do drink all that much, but it’s social…meaning society has to deal with my problem.   When I act like I’m drunk it doesn’t necessarily mean that I am.  Public drunkenness/urination isn’t my only avenue for escaping sobriety.  Here, then, are ten reasons that you might think I’m drunk:

10. My Moo Shoo Pork was riddled with MSG.

9. I’m delusional from a lack of sleep due to noisy alley cats behind my house noshing old fish bones from the mackerel factory in front of my house.

8. I’ve contracted feline leukemia (Cat AIDS) picking up feces from alley cats behind my house.

7. Salmonella isn’t a recreational drug.

6. A recently botched lobotomy has left me something, something.  I can’t remember.

5. Withdrawals.

4. I’m mad with rage.

3. I chased several “taste the rainbows” of Skittles down with several “Oh, Yeahs” of Kool-Aid.

2. My bi-polar disease is on the up and up.

~and, finally~

1. I am, in fact, drunk.