Wolsamnoraa's Blog

What’s the best part about shrimp?  They’re American, dammit!  Those tiny sh*ts are plentiful and, as far as I’m concerned when you’ve got some of that delicious cocktail sauce, they’re tasty, too.  But something happened recently  that really puckers my barn hole.

Seven weeks ago (and counting), the oil and gas mogul, British Petroleum or BP,  “accidentally” collapsed an oil well in the Gulf of Mexico and is uncontrollably pumping its bubbly crude all over American shrimping waters.  Why we haven’t waged war against these f*ck sticks is beyond me.

What’s worse is that we (America collectively, except Lonny) have swallowed this grimy glob and will to continue to do so.  In a gesture to keep fishing and tourism industries afloat during this crisis, BP has done what any company does in a crisis situation; they threw money at it.  Big money, too.  It’s the kind of money that allows sick f*cks the opportunity to do sick f*ck things.

This is the kind of money that says, “Not only am I not going to fix this environmental catastrophe, I’m going to buy you, cut off your balls and make you my eunuch, remove your testicles from the hairy ball skin, staple, then duct tape the skin over your mouth and nose while I tickle you and watch you die to death you p*ssy.”

Thanks to cash reimbursements to support lost business caused by the oil spill, some fishing companies are generating more business than before the spill.

Instead of using this money to protect themselves from future oopsies, companies spend to reinvent themselves.  This unadvised spending creates illusions of market stability in uncertain times and opens the flood gates for struggling companies to venture into risky endeavors.

I can imagine the CEO from one of the aforementioned struggling fishing companies thinking, “This is the time we make a big move.”  And because he has new money to burn, he goes against all logic and fishes oil soaked waters.  After which, some greased wheel at a hackneyed advisory operation like the Louisiana Shrimp and Fisherman Council to okay some new product line.   All of a sudden, your kid is hooked on Red Lobster’s/Fishy Joe’s/Long John Silver’s/Generic non-seafood eatery’s Crude Dude’s Boily and Oily Super Duper Shrimp Poppers (try ‘em with tar ball dippin’ sauce!) which by some stroke has been pushed to market by a rejuvenated BP (British Prawns).

I’m really gonna hate that.