10 Reasons Internet Piracy Is Great

Step 1: Steal neighbor's wi-fi. Step 2: Conquer the world.

Back before pirates ruled the skies in their all too common Somali air ships, they dominated the seven C’s: computers, coding, credit card stealing, communicating, clavier, cracking and, who could forget, chat room conversation. Mastery of these disciplines have allowed pirates to swashbuckle passed secure server logins right into the Paypal and eharmony accounts of hundreds of dozens of lonely subscribers. Although illicit, this behavior has increased demand of the spoils. Shared files, credit card info, music and copious bandwidths of porn have spread faster than swine flu. Technically, this pirated information exists in principle so it’s hard to say who “owns” the media. It’s a barter system of copying and sharing rather than stealing. That Chingy song you just downloaded, is merely a digital copy that lets you listen to a sh*tty rap song but you can hardly take it with you. Even so, this kind of piracy seems pretty f*cking bad. But is it? The answer is no. Here, then, are ten reasons Internet piracy is great:

10.) It’s not real piracy if there are no cannons.

9.) Nobody has really been in harm’s way from foul play in cyberspace since Sandra Bullock in The Net or those dead Craigslist hookers. Both of which I now possess.

8.) Like Costco, everyday on the interwebs is a sample day.

7.) ”Open source, dude!” – Favra, the Chinese Super Troopers.

6.) Why buy the Apple when you can get the whole Android for free?

5.) People won’t get hurt if, like the Supreme Court, you consider faceless corporations to be people.

4.) I’m not going to use my credit card number to buy from Amazon when I know it’ll just get hacked and stolen.

3.) Any responsible company will protect you from your own negligence…right?

2.) If they were in it for the money, they wouldn’t be artists.

~and, finally~

1.) Withholding information because of economic barriers creates a class of second rate citizens. Knowledge, not money, is power…look it up.