Wolsamnoraa's Blog

Take it from a half ass, life is good here

In the before time, when I was young, I’d envisioned a rough set of guidelines that made the most out of life by doing the least amount of work.  Half-assing it, as it is known tends to be the straightest path between the points of most and least.  Half-assery allows a person to weasel out of life’s chores and move through them quickly to the things he’d rather be doing; his goal(s).  Even though I’ve given a lot of thought to these guidelines and have had enlightening experiences that have blossomed into great half-assed lessons, I’ve never put anything down on paper.   What I’ve learned so far is that life is a series of ad hoc, inconsistent, undefined, and wishy-washy events.  It’s to your advantage to learn how to manage the unexpected by getting it out of the way quickly.   When half-assing is performed correctly (or rather, a fast as possible), a person can reach his goals and occupy as much of his time as possible with the things that best suit his fancy.

What is half-ass?  When taken literally, a half ass is either a single rosy cheek amid a bunched up pair of undies or the ugly side of a mule (take your pick).  Literal does no good.  Literal leads to stagnation and boredom.  Half-assing is all about getting down and dirty, even if it’s with your cousin’s sister.  Loosely defined, half-assing is a set of fluid principles that make the most from the least.    By keeping an open mind to sloppiness and managing to have an always changing game plan, you will almost certainly guarantee your life is a slew of TV and sleep.

Half-assing is a lifestyle that you subscribe to like an interesting magazine or marriage in that once the dues are paid, the masturbation is endless.   With that being said, half-assery is not meant to be a limbo state where you just float around aimlessly with nothing to do (unless that’s what you want, of course).  The reason for half-assing is to accomplish a more meaningful goal or activity that you’d rather be doing.  We all have obligations and chores that coincide with activities that we yearn to be doing instead. For me, it’s needing to take out a bag of smelly trash while wanting to not to take out the trash.  For you, it might be the need to pay your phone bill while simultaneously wanting to keep your money.  A life lived half-assedly is the perfect way to get the best of two worlds; what you need to do and what you want to do.  Whatever the reason for leading a half-assed life, your reward will be time filled with the pleasures you desire.  Finally, there’s a way to have your cake and eat it, too (for free, if possible).

Adding to the last point, it’s absolutely ok lead a Hippocratic lifestyle.  You might feel obligated to attack task with great effort and vigor making sure that it’s done correctly the first time.  Your attention to detail and poignancy for work are fine attributes to boast but it’s not necessary to use them at all times.  In a half-assed life, your activities become two fold.  On the one hand, you want to rush through the boring stuff.  On the other hand, you have a passion for another activity that you want to care for and nurture.  If, for example, you love to work on cars but your wife wants you to mow your neighbor’s lawn because he’s incontinent and his kids are losers, it’s ok to just mow some of his front yard sort of enabling you to get back to your labor of love quickly.  Screw that douche bag, he should have been a better father or whatever; not your problem.  He can bag his own clippings.  Feel free to tell your wife so that you’re all on the same page.  The beauty of half-assing is that it’s a part time job.  It’s a tool that you use when you need to make things go away just like a hand gun and a shovel.  Keep in mind that consistency is overrated.

If saving time and killing multiple birds with one or less stones are idioms that you live by, then half-assing is certainly up your alley.  It may not be easy to determine what you want, but it is definitely easy to say what you don’t want.  When you’re faced with the tedious and down right difficult tasks of everyday living, just half-ass it.  You’ll find what you’re looking for faster than you ever thought possible.  Half-assing your way through life is one of the best ways to get it all in without getting stuck in the muck.  So, follow along, and for the next while, we’ll take a journey together down the road of passion and satisfaction, joy and love, success and fulfillment….when I get around to it.