Every once in a long while, the animosity you bare for your fellow earthlings falls by the wayside.  You learn to live and let live and even love and get head.  I am convinced the formula for such change heavily relies on one’s ability to share.

I recently acquired an animal pet.  Her name is Tippi Nunu but I call her Nu for short.  She is black and white and pees in the sink.  I really like her and the story of how we found her is amazing.  As much as I like this cat, my old cat, Tookie or Grandpa for short, hates her.  Or at least that’s how it’s seemed since I brought her home.

For the first two months, they have been fighting and mangling each other in only the way cats can; loudly and with the removal of fur.  The points of contention are usually related to food or territory or fiscal responsibility.  Tippi says, “My space” and Tookie says, “I’ll claw your eyeballs out!  Facebook, bitch!”  And a kitty quarrel ensues.

The other day I awoke to the frisky felines contending over the warm spot between my legs (the place where my sleep-farts live).  At first it seemed like they were actually sharing the spot until I realized a thousand small incisions covering my shins.  Apparently, I was a victim of circumstance in their battle royal.

Today I saw Tookie and Tippi in one of the special cat beds I bought for them.  This is a scene I’ve seen before and, like those times before, I feared there may be blood.  Something unusual happened, though.  Instead of fighting for the small island nation of Catbedonia, the cats were sharing.  In fact, Tookie, my old, large, white sour-puss was licking Tippi, the smaller, blacker cat.

I was astonished so I took a video on my phone.  It was short lived, however, when Tippi made a sudden move that spooked ol’ Tookus.  He went from licking to biting in a matter of milliseconds.  I assume Tookie has marinating agent in his saliva that enables his fangs to sink more easily into skin.  I took video of that as well.  Completely amazing.  Regardless of the circumstances, they are making huge strides in sharing and love.  See for yourself…

The calamity that ensued…

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Do you ever struggle to wake up and it stays with you all day?  Well, that’s me…everyday.  It may be due to a lack of sleep but I have a sneaking suspicion I’m tired for some of these reasons:

10. I’m kept up all night by the sound of the cat noshing bunny skulls.

9. The monster under my bed wants spare change and keeps rattling a can of nickels.

8. My wet dreams smell like curdled milk.

7. The wad of toilet paper that maximizes sweat and smell absorption stuffed between my butt cheeks is all itchy (it’s been referred to as a “manpon”).

6. Instead of dinner, I did some meth and drank a Camel Pak of Mountain Dew.

5. I am fraught with woes about the economy of my ant farm.  There just isn’t enough sugar water to go around.

4. My body is trying to work off the calories I consumed from eating all of these spiders that were looking for a warm place to die.

3. Peeing in the pool makes it warmer.  Peeing in the bed makes it wet.

2. My boogers are so dense and gooey that I can hardly breathe when I eat them.

-And Finally-

1. I am kept awake by loud farts…my loud farts.

 

Did I miss something?  Tell me some of the things that keep you awake.

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