10 Reasons Not To Drink More Water

 10 Reasons  No Responses »
Mar 022010
 

coors light bottleOnce upon a time, in an earlier post, I announced I was starting a diet that would include regular exercise, good eating and “lots of water”.  From that I learned I should never announce things.  While I’ve managed to stay on track with my weight loss goals, I’ve been fighting the process like hell.  Just like the goings on at Planned Parenthood, diets suck…the life right out of you.

I must explain that the problem with dieting does not rest in the exercising.  I thoroughly enjoy the satisfaction of working out so hard that I sweat out my b-hole.  Diets don’t suck because of eating right, either.  I like salad (dressing).  The reason diets suck is based solely on the suggestion that a person should guzzle down 64-128 ounces of water each day.  I’ve incorporated this suggestion into my daily routine and have suffered.

If I had it my way, I would eliminate “watering down” from my regiment.  Here, then, are ten reasons why you shouldn’t drink more water:

10. Peeing out your butt hole when you’re not sick or dying is slightly disgusting

9.  Tinkling more than a dozen times a day is bad for your water bill

8. The large amount of urine you expel just adds to the production and bottling of more Coors Light

7. The more water you drink, the clearer you see that you should cut out the middle man and drink your own pee

6. Even horses get colic from ingesting too much water

5. When your doctor asks you to pee in a cup your hand gets wet from overflow

4. When you pee in the toilet your feet get wet from overflow

3. Your pea sized bladder fills up quicker than a ten dollar whore

2. Frequent trips to the bathroom have your employer wondering if you’re a illicit drug doer

-and, finally-

1. There’s not enough booze in this swill

 Posted by wolsamnoraa at 12:36 pm  Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Successful Diet Plan

 Food, Life Lessons, work  4 Responses »
Jan 252010
 

Ever since high school, I’ve been hip to the health scene.  I’m familiar with the rules that insure a healthy life:  eating the right foods, exercising regularly and burning more calories than I ingest are crucial to successful living.

Since high school, however, I have avoided these rules like the plague.   Nothing turns my buttons like a fifteen thousand calorie day packed full of stuffing my fat face at a buffet or drinking my way through a suitcase of beer.  It pains me to think that these days of extravagant indulgence are over.  I have neglected my body too long.  As a result of my willie-nilly relationship with exercising and dieting, my heart hurts.

So, starting today, I have decided to adhere to a lifestyle change: a specific diet of no more than 2500 calories a day combined with regular exercise, lots of water and a daily vitamin.  I am tracking my calorie intake at www.my-calorie-counter.com.  Right now, I’m a flabby 221 pounds…I’d like to weigh less (somewhere around 185).  My BMI is somewhere between “ech” and “fatty”.  I’d like to maintain this plan for six months or until it becomes habitual.  I made a chart with my wife to help track progress and plan out meals.Chart Progress

I have a gym membership that has been collecting dust for months.  I will work out at least three times a week for at least 45 minutes per time.  I’m ready, I’m able and I’m willing.  Here we go!  It’s time to kick start this bitch!

 Posted by wolsamnoraa at 11:34 am  Tagged with: , , , ,
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