MTV cast show reality tv

These guys give douche bags a bad name

I know it’s a little late to comment on the decay of America’s social fabric but I’m going to anyway.  I was tuning into some syndicated episodes of my favorite teeny-bopper television programming on a channel called MTV, when I noticed a show I hadn’t seen before.  It’s called “Jersey Shore”.

For those of you who don’t know (i.e. anyone over the age of 24), “Jersey Shore” showcases the lives of several twenty-something New Jerseyans or New Jerseyites or douche bags or whatever living in a beach house in New Jersey.  These kids are young and sexy and trendy and are always looking to score some tail or coke.  Their nicknames and dialects are as revolting and annoying as those of the characters in the movie, “Good Will Hunting”.

From what I can tell, the men on the show gather strength for sun tanning and misogyny by slamming down Jaeger Bombs in hot tubs and smoking menthol cigarettes.  The girls in the cast use the power of Bump-its, push-up bras and brash diction to get punched in the face.  Watching “Jersey Shore” is like watching a bunch of retards play together.  Everyone just makes up his own rules and throws a tantrum whenever he’s expected to share.

Their days are spent wandering around looking for sex and whining about how difficult their lives are.  So far as I can tell, it reflects the general attitude of young Americans.  The people in the cast are egocentric and insist that the world owes them something for nothing.  No work and all play is the Jersey Shore way of life.  The characters show a complete disregard for personal responsibility.  It saddens me to think that this is what we view as normal behavior.

Regardless, “Jersey Shore” is a great show.  I can’t turn away when these freaks get to jabber-jawing.  From what I’ve heard, a lot of people like it, too.  MTV has decided to bring the cast back for a second season.  I guess we’ll just have to wait for another sultry New Jerseyan summer and “Grease” sequel before we can get another taste of this delectable dish.

 

I’ve been glued to TLC’s Little People, Big World for the last three years.  Unfortunately, I’ve only focused on the corrupt and small handed nature of little people.

They always seem bitter because things didn’t work out the way they wanted.  As a result, I adopted a bad attitude whenever I thought of short people.

I’m not going to hold that against them, though.  My biases are simply constructed from a combination of life experience and my father’s violent spats stemming from rampant alcohol abuse.  That’s not fair…technically, little people didn’t do anything (I gather this is because of the physical limitations of their bodies).  Instead, I wanted to get past this judgment when I thought of this whole race of people.

What appears to be a beach is actually grain of rice

As a tall person with all the advantages, I wanted to visualize where these shorties were coming from.  Do tall people really get more out of life than little people?

My first response was “hell yes”.  But, once again, that wasn’t fair.  Sure, we tall folk get to ride all the big rides and pick fruit from our favorite fruit trees, but we’re at some disadvantage here, too.

Not since my childhood will I ever again know the joys/urine smell of a ball pit.  I will never successfully tunnel out of prison using the conveniently misplaced duct work in my jail cell.  My torso is just too long.  And never shall there be a time when I will fit inside a cupboard.

Am I bitter about this?  Not really.  When life hands you lemon trees, you reach up and pick the fruit…and then share your bounty with the less fortunate ground foragers.

Acceptance is the first step to contentment.  Volleyball can be a spectator sport.  You don’t always have to reach the gas pedal to get a ride.  My great-grandfather was short and he was the mayor of an entire province city town township village barn community place.  Little people are inspiring and watching them “grow” builds character.

From this analysis, I gather that my perspective is skewed.  The negativity that I focus on from Little People, Big World is all part of the show.  My opinion is that TLC produces a spectacle that showcases the disadvantages of little people.  The network capitalizes on the drama of these people’s lives.

And if you ask me, that’s the real shame.  Exploiting people for ratings and money is no better than trading slaves or killing puppies.  That’s more of an MTV thing to me.  I think I’ll save judgment for the sluts and ‘tards on The Hills.

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