If you want to live life right, you gotta let the bullsh*t fly!

Recently it was brought to my attention that the periodic reporting I’ve been doing on my life is  highly inconsistent from what is actually happening in my life.  I’m talking about fact checking, folks.  It’s happening.  And I’ve been called out.  In a big way.  I’m not going to lie to you; I’m a liar.  Big time.  I one time took an ice cream sandwich from a little kid because it looked delicious and he looked like a fart smeller.  Did I mention I’m also a jerk?   But, I don’t want to talk about that really.  What I want to address is a life philosophy that I hold high above the rest.  It’s based on consistency.  You know, consistency?  The art of speaking and doing and acting similarly in every occasion of your life because Jesus or God or Elvis told you so?  Guess what?  That sh*t is totally bunk.  Bunked up beyond belief, sucker.

You can have a strict set of guidelines and abide by the rules set in place.  You can play your game of life on a black and white polarized line of yes and no, right or wrong.  You can also poke you own eyeballs out with a big wet wiener.  If that’s what looks good to you, you are absolutely fooling yourself, dude.  Sure, there’s instances in life of complete clarity where in which the outcome of some action is absolutely determinable as good or bad, right or wrong, yes or no, wet or dry.  For example, do you want to go to the movies tomorrow with me?  Obviously yes (HP6 guy or ma lady).  Can I borrow a pair of your panties for a science project..P.S. I need to smell them?  Clearly huh?  You’ll never make fast friends that way.  What you’ve neglected to observe in the past is that the world is not always as easy as black and white.

The world is grey and bleak and red and bleu cheese dressings and ambiguous and confusing.  All at the same time and sometimes, all the time.  Wrap your little mind around that!  If you’re playing the Game of Life and your little car filled with all of your peg headed children fall out before you finish college and become a veterinarian, there is no clear answer for you.  There is no rule for that (actually there is, it’s on the inside of the box lid about halfway down on the right, but pay no mind to that).  You should pick yourself up and dust off your peg kids and finish the game, broken and bent.  Things are not going to be the same for you any more.

Given the circumstances life hands you, you’d better figure it out and quick.  No ones waiting for you.  If you want to make it as a decent human being, you have to put all of that Bible thumping, Good vs. Evil, hogwash to bed.  Think about this…Terrorist tucks her son into bed.  Hmmm?  Why is she a terrorist?  Easy.  Love.  So she kills and maims and rapes.  Her son is safe…for now: Look out! It’s gonna blow!  KABLOOEY!  But that’s her life.  That should be your life, too.  Pure instinct and devotion.  Inconsistent at best.

Let your emotions get the best of you and set your self free.  Don’t be a wiener.  Be a man.  Be an emotional person.  Not a dirty Christian.  The people that run an inconsistent operation are liberated from facts and their incessant checkability.  It’s that easy.  I can lie and steal.  I can love and help.  Let the bullsh*t fly.  I’m accountable for me and you’re accountable for you.  Now, let’s blow this place and go to the movies.