Wolsamnoraa's Blog

Grrroowwlll.  I went to the Lion’s Lair on Monday Night which is a bar…the Lion’s Lair not Monday Night. I did some stand up comedy. I pretty much brought the house down with some information that was given to me by the late, great Tyler Hate Fuck Davis (not pictured). Let me just say that Avatar was a movie.

Thanks to Steve Biernacki and Ryan Blum and Alex Nelson for coming out to see the whole thing. I am indebted to you men for all time or until this coupon expires in April, 2010. But seriously; thanks.   And thanks, Steve, for the beers…you’re the guy…that got me beers for a dollar a piece

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100 blogs are like 100 mL of kitten in that people eat them up so quickly no one is really counting

This article ranks as my 100th blog post.  Yippee!  I’m excited in a fun kind of way.  I never thought I could do anything more than once, but here I am sitting atop a mound of progress.

I’ve found that blogging is stimulating, relaxing and stressful all at the same time.  While I try to maintain regularity in my posting schedule, I avoid posting filler material.  I specifically design each article to stimulate and excite my readership (that’s right…you’re gonna get tickled!).  If I feel a post is sub par or lacks creativity and humor, I won’t post it.  ”Forget the schedule!” I scream through the flow of tears.  I find that blogging is as fulfilling as any dream job or sex act.  I encourage all interested parties to start blogging.  Here, then, are 10 reasons that you should blog:

10. Bloggers do it for twelve hours a day.  Now that’s Tantric!

9. It’s free and will only cost you your time and money.

8. You’ll make people feel better about themselves when you reveal your incompetence and insecurities.

7. It’s a great way to expel a lifetime of knitting knowledge without pissing off your last remaining friends.

6. There is more money to be made on the Internet than you could ever imagine…I’ve heard.

5. Blogging is guaranteed to make you a social media marketing expert over night and, also, I insist.

4. Blogging is a great way to look busy while avoiding real work.

3. Some people may or may not like you no better nor worse.

2. Fame and fortune will instantly greet you within your first five-thousand posts, give or take.

-and, finally-

1. If I can do it, surely, you can do it much better.

Thanks for reading along for all this time.  I appreciate your feedback.  I especially like hearing you express what you like and dislike.  My wife and mother did not like a post I wrote that explained the timely process of shaving my genitals.  Other people thank me for giving them a good laugh every so often.  As nice as it is, I’d like to thank you again for entertaining yourself with these foolish antics.  I plan to continue forever and always or until something better pops up.  In case you’ve missed it, here is a short list of my favorite posts in no particular order…

Misleading Wikipedia Information Or “Duh” For Short

New Tattoo For You Plus Two A.K.A The Jackalope

Excalibur

My Life

A Letter To Mrs. Stransard

You Kissed Your Step-Brother’s Sister

If these or any other posts strike your fancy, tell your friends.  Thanks for having me.

I’ve been applying to jobs here and now just to appease some of my friends at the corporate office.  My attitude has been that I’ve got so much on my plate there’s no real reason to be looking for a job in any serious regard.  That all changed yesterday when I had an epiphany of sorts.  I don’t need to work, I want to work!  Although dickin’ around on the Interwebs is phenomenally entertaining and fun and keeps me busy most of the day, it just doesn’t pay a whole lot.  Yeah, blogging and jerking off at the computer is work for me, but it’s not enough.

Money Talks and also sucks

Money talks and walks and I was at a baseball game once and I saw the pitcher, a crisp five-dollar bill right up from the minors  miff a pitch; apparently money also balks.  Money isn’t the only reason I want to work but it doesn’t hurt.  Recently, I attended a Jefferson County workforce-center seminar that introduced me to the idea that working for a living isn’t all that bad.  ”It’s not?” I distastefully murmured.  It’s what the Communists call Utopia.  It’s what I call sweet salad dressing.  The delicious aftertaste to an otherwise bland heap of roughage.

Life is work.  It’s just that and if the work doesn’t pay, you need to move on.  So that’s what I’m proposing here.  I am moving on.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be blogging my face off and pursuing my dreams of successful dreaming.  I will just be adding a paycheck to it…somehow.  I hear Craigslist is popular.

If you’ve got any ideas or know a guy who is looking for my type of talent (you know?  The 6′2″, handsome and well-groomed type of talent), then drop me a line.  I’ll see you on the other side.

There's a small sand castle under that man's hat

I’ve been out of a job for three months now. I could think of no better way to celebrate that fact than by setting off to the region of the world known as Mexico. My thought was that I could live it up in an all-inclusive resort on less money than it takes to fill up my gas tank (btw, I drive a bus).

However, Mexico’s third-world hospitality left a bad taste in my mouth. Mexicans were so nice even though Americans were so stupid and mean. Additionally, its tropical climate left my fair-skinned ass cheeks as chapped and chaffed as a cheap prostitute’s money hole.

What I thought was going to be a great deal turned into a great dump. The shams that have been put in place to make up for years of degradation by Americans give Mexicans a bad name. I soon realized that my presence in Mexico wasn’t doing anyone any good.

I don’t think that anybody should go to Mexico and I have no one to blame but all of you. It won’t get any better until people stay away and give Mexico time to recover from years of abuse from Western culture. Here, then, are ten reasons that people should stay out of Mexico:

10. “All-inclusive resort” is Spanish for “nothing’s included in the price except give us more money”

9. The watered down Tequila is 40% alcohol by ballroom

8. Tipping is unnecessary and mandatory

7. I was in a restaurant and ordered a steak that was cooked to medium weird

6. All of the good help has immigrated north

5. The Chinese food was not very good

4. The polluted and murky sea water is not safe for drowning in

3. Pesos look like and function as play money

2. The soiled Mexican scenery makes the Jersey Shore look like paradise

-and, finally-

1. There is no doubt about it…you will get sick

Hotter than a fat chick at a holiday sweater party. Yee Haw!

From Cat Photos

Tookie is my cat.  When it gets cold outside (subzero temps and other temperatures ), Tookie hides in the warmest part of the house.  Normally, he lays on our guest bed underneath a heat register that rains warmth upon him when the furnace kicks on.  That rarely happens.

Because I’m out of work and JDubs and I don’t like wasting money on energy, the furnace is set at a cool 62 degrees F.  That invariably means that our house is f-f-f-freezing.  I can get by with an extra layer or ten.  But even with a thicket of cat fur and a big F.U.P.A., the cat can’t get warm.  He is cool to the touch even when balled up in his spot under the heat.

Every once in a while, I’ll cave.  ”It’s too cold,” I’ll say.  Instead of turning up the furnace, however, I’ll turn on a little space heater that JDubs bought.  She got it at an after winter sales event at Target (we’re talking 90% off this heater…what a Jewy kind of deal!).  The money saved on the device warrants splurging on electricity.  So, that’s what I do.

All of a sudden Tookie has a new favorite spot…where ever the space heater is.  It’s really hot but he curls up in front of it anyway.  Here’s a video to show how comfortable he is:

Sorry for the sideways filming, porno-style handy cam work and the water mark…I’m only pretty good at this stuff, not really good.